Friday through Monday-Three Precious Days

Dear Fisher went home to live with his Heavenly Father yesterday. When I realized he was going, I begged him not to go yet. Even so, I feel so lucky he was able to be with us as long as he was. I didn't think I'd be bringing him home from the hospital. But I did. In those few short days we were enveloped in a love I had never felt before. Those fleeting moments he was with us are so precious to me.

He was a happy baby. He never cried, but he snorted, squeaked, cooed and even laughed. He slept so peacefully most of the time. It was a joy just to behold him.

When I gave him his only bath, I loved him more than I ever new I could. When I clipped his nails I knew it would probably be the first and last time I'd have a chance to do it. Each time I changed his diaper I felt so lucky to be caring for him. When I fed him, he'd open his eyes as wide as he could. I loved watching his brothers cradle him so tenderly in their arms. Love shone in their faces as they looked at him. I loved his daddy even more as I watched him cuddle with little Fisher.

I am grateful to the friends and family who came to share their love with Fisher. My house was a house full of joy because of Fisher and because of all who loved him too.

Happy Birthday! and a little extra....

Our dear little Fisher was born on Friday, September 18, 2009 at 2:56 PM. He weighed 6 pounds 2.8 oz and measured 19 inches long. He snorted like a little piggy all the rest of the day. His daddy said it sounded more like Donald Duck. By the time he cleared most of the mucous, he squeaked just a little. We didn't think to have a birthday party for him at the hospital but his brothers and I had a small party yesterday for his first day with us. I think we may have another one today. Party, party while the little guy is with us.

When we were discharged from the hospital Fisher had no gag reflex and no sucking reflex. With his pediatrician's consent, we decided not to try to tube feed him because of the danger of his aspirating some liquid. However, last night he did begin to suck and did show signs of a gag reflex. So, we fed him a little with a medicine dropper. Early this morning, he actually took a little from a bottle. I sure hope this means we'll get to spend a little extra time with Fisher before he has to leave us.

Today has actually been a very busy day for us. This morning a very kind photographer from NILMDTS came to take pictures. (Thank you Ella.) Conrad insisted on bringing out the orchids my grandmother dropped off yesterday. He really wanted them to be in the family portrait with us. Fisher opened his eyes long enough to take a few pictures with his daddy. Later we went to church and had Fisher blessed. So that was only two events but, we just came home from the hospital yesterday. Fisher and I are going to take a nap.

Overwhelming Gratitude

Today I just have to say how glad I am to have people in my life who love by doing. It's hard for me to admit I can't do it all and actually ask someone else for help. Even though I haven't actually made a request, angels on this earth are picking up where my strength leaves off. This week I've had meals brought to my family by dear friends from church. A family that lives nearby saw that my yard was in need of work and took care of it. My dear sisters have recently been here. They sacrificed time with their own little families to bring me moral support, friendship and a helping hand around the house. One friend dropped by with a little footprint kit for Fisher which is something I've wanted to pick up but never remember to look for while I'm out shopping. There are others who stand at the ready with offers to take care of my boys while I'm at the hospital. I am overwhelmed by their love and am so grateful to experience it.

Waiting for Fisher

Yes, we are still waiting for Fisher's birthday. He just doesn't seem ready to say hello to the world yet. His daddy says it's just fine if he takes his time. I actually agree. With his brothers, I wasn't so patient. In fact, I was quite impatient. Right now I just want to savor the moments I do have with him. I suppose my doctor will eventually tell us it's been long enough. But, even he isn't too worried about it. The last time I spoke with him he casually said it would be fine go another week and a half to two weeks.

Birthday Countdown

Wow, I can't believe it's almost here! Fisher's birthday, that is. Of course I still don't know when it will be, but his due date is less than three weeks away. I am both anxious to hold him in my arms and hesitant to let him go. A mother's love is like that whether there is a farewell at birth or a farewell as a child sets off to take on adult responsibilities. The urge to protect and care for a child is hard to resist. I know there is no need to fear for his protection. He'll be going to a far safer place. It doesn't mean I won't miss him though.

Conrad's Sister Wish

He's made it very clear from the beginning of this pregnancy that he wants a sister. He was quite indignant the day I told him he would have another brother instead of a sister. Yesterday, he told me he's sad about Fisher. He's not happy his little brother won't be able to stay with us very long. Today, he's back on the sister track. When I was hanging out the wash he asked me if we could name his sister Nim. I said it was a nice name, but I didn't want to name any of my children after a movie. Besides, we don't know if there will be a sister. He wasn't so easily dissuaded and continued with the name conversation. Conrad said if we wouldn't use Nim for a name we should go back to our original plan to use Matilda for his sister. I told him I'm kind of burned out on that name since I've had to listen to "Waltzing Matilda" almost daily for a few months now. But, he insists it would be great because he could sing it to her. At the end of our conversation he added, "We can only name her Matilda if she has a brain. I don't want to give that name to a baby with anencephaly." I wish I could give him back the care-free time he had when he didn't know such things existed.

Ultrasound Session

Yesterday we went to First Look Sonogram to get 3-D scans of Fisher. Normally I wouldn't have done something like that because I suspect ultrasound bothers babies. Since we won't be getting much footage of Fisher I made an exception. The two scans the doctor gave me just weren't enough.

This is what I learned from the session. First, it's good to be hydrated. The technician kept commenting on how great it was that I had enough amniotic fluid to get good images. I think it may be more related to Fisher's condition than how much water I've been drinking. Second, some kids just won't cooperate. The poor technician tried putting me in several positions to dislodge Fisher's head from the uterine wall. She even had me get on my hands and knees for a while. He wouldn't budge. In fact, it seemed as if he was trying to cover up the rest of his face. Either he'd put his hand over it or he'd grab the umbilical cord and pull it up covering part of his face. He's either shy or was upset that we were disturbing his nap. The third thing I learned is that I really needed these images for healing. The only 3-D image the perinatologist took of Fisher's face was ghastly to look at and it was the last one she showed me before sending me off to see the genetic counselor. I needed to know that he would still have an adorable face in spite of it all.

I've posted a couple of the scans from the session on the right sidebar of the page. I'd do a slide show or something like it if I could figure out Picasa Web.