Tuesday, May 26, 2009

"Don't do it. Don't say it"

I haven't hid anything from my eldest son Conrad, who is only five years old, regarding Fisher. He knows all about Fisher's diagnosis. I told him about it because he has exceptional hearing when I'm talking to my friends. Even if I were trying to hide information from him, he'd catch it. (It's funny his hearing isn't as clear when I'm asking him to do his chores.)

Conrad's initial response was surprise. He didn't know anything like that could occur. Truth be told, neither did I. But, he seemed to accept the news better than I did. However, when he finally did start hearing me tell others about Fisher, he responded more negatively. When the subject of the baby came up he would stop me and say, "Don't do it. Don't say it". At first I thought it was because he didn't want other people to know about Fisher. I couldn't have been more wrong.

When I finally asked Conrad why he always tells me not to say anything, I was surprised to learn he was bothered by my response. I cry when I tell people about Fisher's condition. He doesn't like to see his mommy cry.

I have stopped telling everyone who asks about the baby in my belly about his anencephaly. Not because of Conrad's request, but because it isn't Fisher. While it's true he has anencephaly, he is much more than that. At this point I don't know all about him. I'm curious to know him as more than his diagnosis. I know he is an energetic little guy. He has a clear schedule of activity and inactivity just like other babies. And, even though we haven't even set our eyes on him yet, he's managed to do his part to bring his parents closer to God. That's some special little guy. I'm glad he's ours.

1 comment:

  1. I just love Conrad. I'm so glad you are such an awesome mom. Fisher was definately sent to the right place. :) I'm glad he is ours too.